Picture Catch-Up Post

This is the official "I think my baby is hitting her 12-week growth spurt" picture. It was accompanied by a "YAY, MORE NAPS FOR MOMMY!" *Ahem*

But seriously. It both saddens and excites me that my little princess is going through another growth spurt. On one hand, I can't wait until you're walking around and tugging at my pockets, asking all sorts of questions. On the other hand, I want you to stay my little, tiny babe - the one who stares intently at me like she's studying my every feature, and the one who smiles and waves her arms when I come near. I honestly hope those things never change, even when you've grown taller than me and have little ones of your own. 

 Speaking of your smiles, here's a Charlotte classic. You have such a precious smile, and they only get better than this. Most of the time, you're such a happy baby. I love having you around. In fact, I spent some time away from you helping Grandma with one of her jobs and the whole time I kept thinking "Where's Charlotte?" It was just so odd to be without my little love bug.

 This was from Sunday evening on the way home from Great-Grandma and Great-Grandpa Lusk's house. We passed a turtle crossing the road. Grandma and I turned to each other and said "Turtle!" Just like that, we turned around and Aunt Kym and Uncle Jordan got out to help it across the road. It wasn't too thrilled, and kept trying to get them to leave him alone, but I'd like to think we actually did something beneficial for that turtle - even if he didn't appreciate it!

Annnd you sleeping. Again with the sleeping. It's a good thing you're ridiculously adorable when you sleep.

That's it for now!

Sincerely,
Mommy.

What You're Currently Like

Dear Charlotte,

You're growing so quickly! I mean, I knew you would, but that doesn't make it any easier to watch. I thought, since you are only two months old, now would be a good time to record several of your traits at this age.

- You're not a fan of being tickled. For some reason, people like to tickle baby feet but once you realize what's going on you start to cry. No worries, little one, I don't like being tickled either. It is cute, though - when your feet are getting tickled you curl up your toes and pull your legs up away from the tickling.

- You're already smiling and even laughing a little - and no, it's not gas. Not always, anyway. Your "laugh" is more like little gasps, but they're obviously from happiness. Your smiles are the best. What makes me happiest is when you look at me and get a huuuuge goofy grin on your face. I don't even have to say or do anything and you light up. My heart could not be warmer in those moments.

- Your hair is fairly thin and wispy, but you have a considerable amount for your age. It started off very straight, but - like your mommy - it curls when wet. If we let your hair air-dry, it ends up in adorable, flyaway curls. They're not long or thick enough to be Shirley Temple churls or anything, but they're totally cute.

- Your eyelashes are sooo long and curl up nicely. In fact, yesterday I spent time just watching you blink your eyes. They are like little wings on the ends of your eyelids. Eyelids which, by the way, house huge, dark blue orbs - er, irises.

- You make horse sounds. Seriously. You grunt, snort, and make a sound like a "nicker." However, you also like the water. Like, a lot... so you're more like a SEAhorse!

- There's nothing you like more than sleeping with your arms stretched straight out over your head. However, you tend to wiggle your arms and wake yourself up so if we want you to sleep we have to swaddle them to your sides. With a good swaddle and a pacifier, you sleep quite well.

- You enjoy Mommy's kisses (which is a good thing, because Mommy likes to give them.) This kinda goes with the smiling, because I'll do a bunch of raspberry kisses right by your mouth and you smile and giggle. Sometimes I love to just kiss all over your lovable little face. Thankfully, you seem to enjoy it just as much as I do.

- At your last check-up, you were 10 pounds, 2 ounces, and 21 inches long. That makes you officially 5 pounds heavier than your sister was at birth, and about three inches longer.

That's really all I can think of for now! Mommy's tired, my dear one. If I think of more things I'd like to record, I'll try to get back here and type it out so we'll have it to remember when you get older!

I love you, Monkey Butt.

Yours,
Mommy.

First Shots

Dear Charlotte,

Today was your two-month check-up. It went well. You're at 10lbs, 2oz, and about 21inches long. You checked out well - nice and healthy. Unfortunately, it was also time for vaccinations. They did an oral one first, then three shots. You started screaming. I had my hands on you before the nurse was even finished, and whisked you up into my arms as soon as I possibly could. You continued to scream for a minute, then whimpered and fell asleep. I didn't even care about all the boogers on my shirt. I cried a little too, because I was so upset about you being in pain. That was quite the mommy moment for me.

That's all for now. I love you. For the record, you're getting your cute patootie snuggled like it's never been snuggled before.

Sincerely,
Mommy.

The Lord Knows

Dear Charlotte,

I'm just realizing how much of a blessing your sister and you have been in my life. I mean, I have always known you were a blessing - a tiny, adorable blessing - but I think it's just hitting me now. I was just mentioning to my father how the Lord knows how we need to experience something for it to be best for us. For my pregnancy with your sister, I needed to have a relatively easy pregnancy physically. I needed to focus on enjoying my limited time with her, not be miserable. Sure, I had pain, but I didn't realize how much worse it could be until I was pregnant with you.

The pain I experienced while pregnant with you was many times what I experienced with your sister. My stomach stretched larger and was much heavier with you. Early on, my groin began to ache as it had when I was nearing the end with your sister and I knew I was in for quite the long haul. I sobbed because of the pain of you, but knowing I would get to keep you when it was all over got me through. I didn't have that with your sister. With you, I felt every contraction. I was okay with not trying additional pain medication if it meant risk to you. I was discharged from the hospital only twelve hours after you were born to follow you to Kansas City. I have experienced the exhaustion of staying up way too late to care for someone you love, and the anxiety of being a NICU mom.

The experiences have been night and day, but I needed that - and the Lord knew it. He knew I not only needed different pregnancies, but I needed to have a crash course in parenthood at the NICU, monitored by skilled nurses. In all honesty, you were several days old before I changed even one diaper. I waited impatiently for the plans from the doctors, and cared for you as best I could. I watched you as you slept, pumped as much as possible (even through the night) and held you until I had to eat or sleep (though I didn't get much sleep at all those first few days, thanks to not having a constant place to sleep.) That beginning, though physically and emotionally taxing, was exactly what I needed.

I have said it before, and I will say it again: the Lord gives us trials so we can learn and grow. With each pregnancy, I have been stretched in different, important ways. With both my relationship with your father grew stronger. You may not want to hear this, but it's a little more difficult to be cheery with your partner when you're dead tired. I can certainly see how having a new child puts stress on a marriage - but your father and I have worked together well. The first couple weeks were rough, but we have our stride now, and we couldn't imagine our lives without you.

Your father is a blessing too. He cares for both of us better than many wives can say about their husbands. Your daddy loves us enough to care for you through the night so I can sleep and be ready to care for you through the day. Isn't that great? He changes diapers, feeds you, and rocks you to sleep when necessary. By 9 or so in the morning, I take over and keep that position until Daddy gets home from work somewhere around 11 at night. You may not see the significance in that, but when you have little ones of your own you'll wish your husband was as amazing as your daddy - trust me.

Sweetie, my eyes are as dry as the desert so I think it's time to close - but all that means is more cuddles from your mommy. We like cuddle time.

Sincerely,
Mommy.

(P.S. We had a great experience in the tub today. You've been really congested so I took you into a warm bath with me and held you on top of the water so you were floating. You really love the water, and you even relaxed enough to start yawning. I hope we can do that more often.)

Decisions, Decisions...

Dear Charlotte,

I love you, baby. Just like last week you are laying on my chest. However, this time you just don't seem to be feeling very well. Any time I try to put you down, you fuss. All you want right now is mommy cuddles. It's okay, though. Your mommy loves you enough to hold you when you need it. I still love that I can be a comfort for you.

We went to an ENT yesterday, and I was a bit disappointed. He barely even checked you, and wrote us off saying you are fine. While I don't necessarily WANT something to be wrong, it was disheartening to be sure you have a tongue tie and have him say otherwise. That said, I do still feel like you have a lip and/or posterior tongue tie. I don't know that you are in desperate need of revision, but I have certainly felt the tension underneath your tongue and the difficulties you have during nursing.

A person who hasn't felt a baby mash their nipples has no idea what it's like to have a baby with nursing issues. I don't blame you at all, but now I'm not sure whether I want to try to nurse again or if I want to just pump milk for you. I'm also unsure whether I want to pursue treatment more or just let this go and see if you're affected at all when you're older. It's not easy being a mother... I feel like if I do something "wrong" I'll mess you up for life, and this is definitely one of those times. Eep! I wonder what future you would want.

I did try to nurse you a bit today, and it went slowly just like before. I tried to make sure your lip was flanged out correctly, that you got enough of the nipple in your mouth, and that you were staying awake. I didn't have a whole lot of pain - though there was some there - and you did get a little bit of milk. I think for now I'm going to try to nurse you occasionally and see how it goes. Part of me feels bad because I actually kinda like exclusively pumping better than nursing, but I feel like as long as you get breast milk everything is okay.

(For future reference, why do I prefer exclusively pumping? I really, really dislike being wet, sticky, smelly, etc. That's what happens to me when you nurse. Breast milk gets all over the place, I get sweaty, my garments get crunchy, not to mention that it takes for-eeeee-verrr for you to nurse, and I just want to stand in a shower for an hour afterward. Pumping is just a lot less messy, even though it requires more cleaning of supplies. I really want you to get the breast milk, and since you typically use a nipple shield it's not like we're missing the closeness as long as I hold you while you're being fed.)

This is going to sound really controlling, but there's one thing I love about being a mom: having the final say. I love that, even with the 10,000,000,001 people who just know what's right for my child, I get to say what's actually going to happen. Oh, you just know my baby just dirtied her diaper and I must change her this moment? Thanks! I'll take that into consideration... and change her once I feel she is actually finished. I bet you didn't realize she gets very gassy and sometimes - even after a huge rumblin' - she has absolutely NOTHING in her diaper. *GASP!* I spend a hefty chunk of my day with this baby, not to mention I carried her inside of me for 39 weeks. You may have a gaggle of children, but each child is different. Charlotte is safe, happy, gaining weight, etc, so I'm not fishing for unsolicited advice. It's totally different if I ask for it, but for the most part that's not the case. Bah. End rant... for now.

I've gone on quite a bit so I'm going to close for now, but I want to say - as always - I LOVE YOU! I want you to always remember that I will be there for you no matter what. There's nothing you could do that would change that. You are so important to me, and I'm so grateful to have you in my life.

Sincerely,
Mommy.

(P.S. I biked 5 miles in 20.5 minutes tonight! Woohoo! I really want to get healthy for you, Daddy, and any future children which may come along. To be completely honest, I was thinking of all of the above while I was exercising. I needed the motivation - especially because I really don't want to have another baby before I lose a significant amount of weight or at least start feeling a little better about my body.)

That One Time, in Texas

Daddy had a three-day weekend sooo guess what?! We went with Grandma and Grandpa Lacey to Texas to meet Great-Grandma and Great-Grandpa Bonner (Grandpa's mother and step-father.) The visit went well! We mostly just visited and enjoyed spending time together. Daddy hadn't seen his grandparents in a long time, so it was very special for him to see them again and introduce you and I to them. He cried a bit when we left, we because we don't know if or when we'll be able to go down again but it was nice to get the opportunity. Picture time!

First, we have a picture of our little family in front of the "eiffel tower" in Paris, Texas. 

Notice the cowboy hat? Grandpa was especially proud of that.

Next, we have the "four generations" picture they were really excited to capture. You weren't terribly excited about it, and I had to swoop in behind the scenes to provide you with milk. 

Daddy, Grandpa Lacey, Great-Grandma Bonner, and you!

Overall, not a bad weekend. I'm glad we got to do it.

Ballerina Shot