Dear Charlotte;: The First Online Letter

Dear Charlotte,

This isn't the first letter I've written to you. I have a few from before you were born (and I was a total basket case), one from after you were born (basket case), but none online (still a basket case.) This is particularly interesting considering how many letters I wrote your sister. So why start now? Well, my sweet little monkey, you are only a month old but every day you do something I want to remember. Daddy and I don't know whether we will ever have another baby, and I want to ensure I appreciate every little detail of the years you won't remember when you're older.

Before you were born, I promised myself I would sing "You Are My Sunshine" to you because, yeah, you are my sunshine. I remember sitting in bed with Daddy one day looking up lullabies on the internet. Daddy had his head in my lap (by you) and while I rubbed his head I would sing each lullaby. It was such a relaxing way to spend the evening. I can't say I have sung many lullabies to you, but I have certainly sung "You Are My Sunshine" to you. Even after many poopy diapers, lost sleep, and tears over breastfeeding issues, the sentiment still holds true. I love you so much.

Several things have turned out differently than I thought they would. Breastfeeding is one of them. I honestly thought you would be born, I would hold you to my breast, and we would have a reasonably uncomplicated breastfeeding relationship. Not so. Turns out you have a tongue and/or lip tie, if not both. You have a lot of trouble latching and staying latched. You end up mashing my nipples and causing a lot of pain. We'll be taking you to an ENT on the 21st. Hopefully he'll be able to fix your ties and we can get on with breastfeeding! I've been pumping a lot to make sure you still have the breast milk, though we do occasionally have to supplement with formula because my supply isn't wonderful. I have had a couple breakdowns because of this, but we are doing fairly well with our arrangement. Well, you're still alive and gaining weight anyway. Points for the alive part?

At this very moment, you are curled up on my chest. It's one of your favorite places to be. When you're happy: Mommy. When you're upset or uncomfortable: Mommy. I love that I can be such a comfort to you. Being that for you is one of the biggest reasons I love being a mom. Other reasons: You're crazy adorable, fun to dress in cute outfits, and a motivation to be the best person and mom I can be.

I'm going to lose the computer soon, so I'll close this letter. I love you sweetness. You are the absolute best baby ever.

Sincerely,
Mommy

Here's a few pictures from your very first few days of life!

BRAND NEW YOU. Not the best picture
buuut I wasn't the one taking the pictures.
I was busy, you know, getting stitched up.
I had kinda just had that head pop out of my lady bits.