Baby Photo Dump. Warning: Massive Amounts of Cute Below

BAhaha. Love that tongue.

Snoozing next to Daddy for a minute. 

That outfit was so cute!! (Texas trip.)

Grandma wearing you while at work!

One of your many stern faces.

Right - "Sweet Pea" necklace representing you (bottom) and your sister (top.)

Snoozing on MY baby blanket!

SO HAPPY!

I just love how everything about this is "girly" and then there's the football pacifier.

I LOVE the wisps of hair on top of your adorable little head!!

You are delicious!

Acceptance

Charlotte,

I'm learning to accept that I'll never get this blog JUST the way I want it. So, I'll post as many pictures and updates as possible, but life will just have to go on, blog or not! I think I'll be okay with at least one post a month. You're just growing too fast! It would be okay for you to stop for juuust a bit so I can take a breath. Maybe? No? Alrighty then.

Lovingly,
Mommy.

Sunday Dress

This was you this past Sunday. We don't usually put you in dresses (just because I don't feel the absolute need at this age) but it was soo cute! See the hair bow? You're not a fan. I love how girly they look, but they don't stay in very well and you're got plenty of hair anyway, so we don't typically use them either.

One bad thing: at church, they're working on the floor in the gym so the overflow wasn't available. Well, it was also Father's Day and family reunions for two very large families in the area. That means the chapel was VERY full and we ended up sitting on the stand, which is not a great place to have a fussy infant. We made it through (not without having to leave, though.) By the time Grandma was speaking, you were lulled to sleep by the sound of her voice while I walked around the halls.

Growing Pains

Sizing up in your clothes today. Your 0-3 month clothes were getting a little tight around the legs because of your fluffy diapers, so I switched out most everything for your 3-6 month clothes. I kept the largish shorts which still fit around your booty, the shirts, and several 3-month pieces, but that's about it. I also added in some of the 6-9 month bottoms because, again, that booty.

How can you already be this big?? It was just yesterday that you fit into that cute, tiny newborn sleeper which fit so perfectly.

This was actually one of our favorite outfits to put you in. It's not THE sleeper, but it's close.

P.S. You have an appointment with Dr. Garcia at Wright Memorial in Trenton next Tuesday. I'm hoping and praying he knows his stuff when it comes to posterior tongue ties! I would be thrilled to be able to breast feed you, but even if that's not the case after revision, it will be nice to not worry about you having speech or dental issues.

Uncle Nap

Oh, just hanging out with Uncle Adam while Mommy helps Grandma at work.

All Dressed Up and Nowhere to Go

Dearest Charlotte,

I love you to bits! You're seriously the best baby. I mean, you could barf all over me and cry all day and I'd still be happy to be your mommy. Here's a picture from today:

"All dressed up and no where to go."

(Right) I love your frowny face. By the way, I really like this outfit, even though you threw up all over it a short while later. I had specifically searched out a yellow shirt to match your new, bright yellow diaper cover. (We're trying some from a different, less expensive brand to see how we like them and expand our stash.) 

(Left) I put this toy together today for you. We have had this toy for a while, but I didn't know if you'd be able to appreciate it until now. Even now, it looked like you were afraid the toys were suddenly going to fall into your face. Oops? I promise you, though, I put them on there as securely as possible. Wouldn't want something hurting my little girl! Try to ignore the fact that you're in a disposable diaper in this picture *gasp!* Your "Poppi" was watching you, and he hasn't figured his way around your cloth diapers yet. He specifically purchased some disposables for when you dirty your diaper and he's watching you. It was actually kinda sweet!

Heck, I'm having fun with pictures. 

This is you sleeping away in our new Easycare Rainbow Baby woven wrap. I love the description of the wrap from the website:

"A beautiful splash of color for any mother, a celebration of the astonishing beauty found in nature, and a symbol of love.

The idea of this wrap is a tribute to the strength of a mother who can brave terrible loss to find hope and joy again, whatever shape that loss took, whenever it happened, no matter what it was that brought the return of hope and happiness.

'The beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm . . . What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds.'"

You are our rainbow baby, so this is perfect. It's actually a full rainbow but I had it folded in half in this picture.

I love wrapping you and keeping you close to me! In fact, there was a tornado warning last night. The spotters were saying the funnel clouds were only 9 miles away, and immediately I got up, wrapped you up on me, grabbed your diaper bag, and went downstairs. I loved having my hands free if I needed them. Thankfully, the storm let up just slightly and was just severe winds, rain, etc, but I was glad to have that experience.

I think I'll end this post with this adorable picture of you looking off into the distance. Your eyelashes are killer!

Sincerely,
Mommy.

Picture Catch-Up Post

This is the official "I think my baby is hitting her 12-week growth spurt" picture. It was accompanied by a "YAY, MORE NAPS FOR MOMMY!" *Ahem*

But seriously. It both saddens and excites me that my little princess is going through another growth spurt. On one hand, I can't wait until you're walking around and tugging at my pockets, asking all sorts of questions. On the other hand, I want you to stay my little, tiny babe - the one who stares intently at me like she's studying my every feature, and the one who smiles and waves her arms when I come near. I honestly hope those things never change, even when you've grown taller than me and have little ones of your own. 

 Speaking of your smiles, here's a Charlotte classic. You have such a precious smile, and they only get better than this. Most of the time, you're such a happy baby. I love having you around. In fact, I spent some time away from you helping Grandma with one of her jobs and the whole time I kept thinking "Where's Charlotte?" It was just so odd to be without my little love bug.

 This was from Sunday evening on the way home from Great-Grandma and Great-Grandpa Lusk's house. We passed a turtle crossing the road. Grandma and I turned to each other and said "Turtle!" Just like that, we turned around and Aunt Kym and Uncle Jordan got out to help it across the road. It wasn't too thrilled, and kept trying to get them to leave him alone, but I'd like to think we actually did something beneficial for that turtle - even if he didn't appreciate it!

Annnd you sleeping. Again with the sleeping. It's a good thing you're ridiculously adorable when you sleep.

That's it for now!

Sincerely,
Mommy.

What You're Currently Like

Dear Charlotte,

You're growing so quickly! I mean, I knew you would, but that doesn't make it any easier to watch. I thought, since you are only two months old, now would be a good time to record several of your traits at this age.

- You're not a fan of being tickled. For some reason, people like to tickle baby feet but once you realize what's going on you start to cry. No worries, little one, I don't like being tickled either. It is cute, though - when your feet are getting tickled you curl up your toes and pull your legs up away from the tickling.

- You're already smiling and even laughing a little - and no, it's not gas. Not always, anyway. Your "laugh" is more like little gasps, but they're obviously from happiness. Your smiles are the best. What makes me happiest is when you look at me and get a huuuuge goofy grin on your face. I don't even have to say or do anything and you light up. My heart could not be warmer in those moments.

- Your hair is fairly thin and wispy, but you have a considerable amount for your age. It started off very straight, but - like your mommy - it curls when wet. If we let your hair air-dry, it ends up in adorable, flyaway curls. They're not long or thick enough to be Shirley Temple churls or anything, but they're totally cute.

- Your eyelashes are sooo long and curl up nicely. In fact, yesterday I spent time just watching you blink your eyes. They are like little wings on the ends of your eyelids. Eyelids which, by the way, house huge, dark blue orbs - er, irises.

- You make horse sounds. Seriously. You grunt, snort, and make a sound like a "nicker." However, you also like the water. Like, a lot... so you're more like a SEAhorse!

- There's nothing you like more than sleeping with your arms stretched straight out over your head. However, you tend to wiggle your arms and wake yourself up so if we want you to sleep we have to swaddle them to your sides. With a good swaddle and a pacifier, you sleep quite well.

- You enjoy Mommy's kisses (which is a good thing, because Mommy likes to give them.) This kinda goes with the smiling, because I'll do a bunch of raspberry kisses right by your mouth and you smile and giggle. Sometimes I love to just kiss all over your lovable little face. Thankfully, you seem to enjoy it just as much as I do.

- At your last check-up, you were 10 pounds, 2 ounces, and 21 inches long. That makes you officially 5 pounds heavier than your sister was at birth, and about three inches longer.

That's really all I can think of for now! Mommy's tired, my dear one. If I think of more things I'd like to record, I'll try to get back here and type it out so we'll have it to remember when you get older!

I love you, Monkey Butt.

Yours,
Mommy.

First Shots

Dear Charlotte,

Today was your two-month check-up. It went well. You're at 10lbs, 2oz, and about 21inches long. You checked out well - nice and healthy. Unfortunately, it was also time for vaccinations. They did an oral one first, then three shots. You started screaming. I had my hands on you before the nurse was even finished, and whisked you up into my arms as soon as I possibly could. You continued to scream for a minute, then whimpered and fell asleep. I didn't even care about all the boogers on my shirt. I cried a little too, because I was so upset about you being in pain. That was quite the mommy moment for me.

That's all for now. I love you. For the record, you're getting your cute patootie snuggled like it's never been snuggled before.

Sincerely,
Mommy.

The Lord Knows

Dear Charlotte,

I'm just realizing how much of a blessing your sister and you have been in my life. I mean, I have always known you were a blessing - a tiny, adorable blessing - but I think it's just hitting me now. I was just mentioning to my father how the Lord knows how we need to experience something for it to be best for us. For my pregnancy with your sister, I needed to have a relatively easy pregnancy physically. I needed to focus on enjoying my limited time with her, not be miserable. Sure, I had pain, but I didn't realize how much worse it could be until I was pregnant with you.

The pain I experienced while pregnant with you was many times what I experienced with your sister. My stomach stretched larger and was much heavier with you. Early on, my groin began to ache as it had when I was nearing the end with your sister and I knew I was in for quite the long haul. I sobbed because of the pain of you, but knowing I would get to keep you when it was all over got me through. I didn't have that with your sister. With you, I felt every contraction. I was okay with not trying additional pain medication if it meant risk to you. I was discharged from the hospital only twelve hours after you were born to follow you to Kansas City. I have experienced the exhaustion of staying up way too late to care for someone you love, and the anxiety of being a NICU mom.

The experiences have been night and day, but I needed that - and the Lord knew it. He knew I not only needed different pregnancies, but I needed to have a crash course in parenthood at the NICU, monitored by skilled nurses. In all honesty, you were several days old before I changed even one diaper. I waited impatiently for the plans from the doctors, and cared for you as best I could. I watched you as you slept, pumped as much as possible (even through the night) and held you until I had to eat or sleep (though I didn't get much sleep at all those first few days, thanks to not having a constant place to sleep.) That beginning, though physically and emotionally taxing, was exactly what I needed.

I have said it before, and I will say it again: the Lord gives us trials so we can learn and grow. With each pregnancy, I have been stretched in different, important ways. With both my relationship with your father grew stronger. You may not want to hear this, but it's a little more difficult to be cheery with your partner when you're dead tired. I can certainly see how having a new child puts stress on a marriage - but your father and I have worked together well. The first couple weeks were rough, but we have our stride now, and we couldn't imagine our lives without you.

Your father is a blessing too. He cares for both of us better than many wives can say about their husbands. Your daddy loves us enough to care for you through the night so I can sleep and be ready to care for you through the day. Isn't that great? He changes diapers, feeds you, and rocks you to sleep when necessary. By 9 or so in the morning, I take over and keep that position until Daddy gets home from work somewhere around 11 at night. You may not see the significance in that, but when you have little ones of your own you'll wish your husband was as amazing as your daddy - trust me.

Sweetie, my eyes are as dry as the desert so I think it's time to close - but all that means is more cuddles from your mommy. We like cuddle time.

Sincerely,
Mommy.

(P.S. We had a great experience in the tub today. You've been really congested so I took you into a warm bath with me and held you on top of the water so you were floating. You really love the water, and you even relaxed enough to start yawning. I hope we can do that more often.)

Decisions, Decisions...

Dear Charlotte,

I love you, baby. Just like last week you are laying on my chest. However, this time you just don't seem to be feeling very well. Any time I try to put you down, you fuss. All you want right now is mommy cuddles. It's okay, though. Your mommy loves you enough to hold you when you need it. I still love that I can be a comfort for you.

We went to an ENT yesterday, and I was a bit disappointed. He barely even checked you, and wrote us off saying you are fine. While I don't necessarily WANT something to be wrong, it was disheartening to be sure you have a tongue tie and have him say otherwise. That said, I do still feel like you have a lip and/or posterior tongue tie. I don't know that you are in desperate need of revision, but I have certainly felt the tension underneath your tongue and the difficulties you have during nursing.

A person who hasn't felt a baby mash their nipples has no idea what it's like to have a baby with nursing issues. I don't blame you at all, but now I'm not sure whether I want to try to nurse again or if I want to just pump milk for you. I'm also unsure whether I want to pursue treatment more or just let this go and see if you're affected at all when you're older. It's not easy being a mother... I feel like if I do something "wrong" I'll mess you up for life, and this is definitely one of those times. Eep! I wonder what future you would want.

I did try to nurse you a bit today, and it went slowly just like before. I tried to make sure your lip was flanged out correctly, that you got enough of the nipple in your mouth, and that you were staying awake. I didn't have a whole lot of pain - though there was some there - and you did get a little bit of milk. I think for now I'm going to try to nurse you occasionally and see how it goes. Part of me feels bad because I actually kinda like exclusively pumping better than nursing, but I feel like as long as you get breast milk everything is okay.

(For future reference, why do I prefer exclusively pumping? I really, really dislike being wet, sticky, smelly, etc. That's what happens to me when you nurse. Breast milk gets all over the place, I get sweaty, my garments get crunchy, not to mention that it takes for-eeeee-verrr for you to nurse, and I just want to stand in a shower for an hour afterward. Pumping is just a lot less messy, even though it requires more cleaning of supplies. I really want you to get the breast milk, and since you typically use a nipple shield it's not like we're missing the closeness as long as I hold you while you're being fed.)

This is going to sound really controlling, but there's one thing I love about being a mom: having the final say. I love that, even with the 10,000,000,001 people who just know what's right for my child, I get to say what's actually going to happen. Oh, you just know my baby just dirtied her diaper and I must change her this moment? Thanks! I'll take that into consideration... and change her once I feel she is actually finished. I bet you didn't realize she gets very gassy and sometimes - even after a huge rumblin' - she has absolutely NOTHING in her diaper. *GASP!* I spend a hefty chunk of my day with this baby, not to mention I carried her inside of me for 39 weeks. You may have a gaggle of children, but each child is different. Charlotte is safe, happy, gaining weight, etc, so I'm not fishing for unsolicited advice. It's totally different if I ask for it, but for the most part that's not the case. Bah. End rant... for now.

I've gone on quite a bit so I'm going to close for now, but I want to say - as always - I LOVE YOU! I want you to always remember that I will be there for you no matter what. There's nothing you could do that would change that. You are so important to me, and I'm so grateful to have you in my life.

Sincerely,
Mommy.

(P.S. I biked 5 miles in 20.5 minutes tonight! Woohoo! I really want to get healthy for you, Daddy, and any future children which may come along. To be completely honest, I was thinking of all of the above while I was exercising. I needed the motivation - especially because I really don't want to have another baby before I lose a significant amount of weight or at least start feeling a little better about my body.)

That One Time, in Texas

Daddy had a three-day weekend sooo guess what?! We went with Grandma and Grandpa Lacey to Texas to meet Great-Grandma and Great-Grandpa Bonner (Grandpa's mother and step-father.) The visit went well! We mostly just visited and enjoyed spending time together. Daddy hadn't seen his grandparents in a long time, so it was very special for him to see them again and introduce you and I to them. He cried a bit when we left, we because we don't know if or when we'll be able to go down again but it was nice to get the opportunity. Picture time!

First, we have a picture of our little family in front of the "eiffel tower" in Paris, Texas. 

Notice the cowboy hat? Grandpa was especially proud of that.

Next, we have the "four generations" picture they were really excited to capture. You weren't terribly excited about it, and I had to swoop in behind the scenes to provide you with milk. 

Daddy, Grandpa Lacey, Great-Grandma Bonner, and you!

Overall, not a bad weekend. I'm glad we got to do it.

Ballerina Shot

The First Online Letter

Dear Charlotte,

This isn't the first letter I've written to you. I have a few from before you were born (and I was a total basket case), one from after you were born (basket case), but none online (still a basket case.) This is particularly interesting considering how many letters I wrote your sister. So why start now? Well, my sweet little monkey, you are only a month old but every day you do something I want to remember. Daddy and I don't know whether we will ever have another baby, and I want to ensure I appreciate every little detail of the years you won't remember when you're older.

Before you were born, I promised myself I would sing "You Are My Sunshine" to you because, yeah, you are my sunshine. I remember sitting in bed with Daddy one day looking up lullabies on the internet. Daddy had his head in my lap (by you) and while I rubbed his head I would sing each lullaby. It was such a relaxing way to spend the evening. I can't say I have sung many lullabies to you, but I have certainly sung "You Are My Sunshine" to you. Even after many poopy diapers, lost sleep, and tears over breastfeeding issues, the sentiment still holds true. I love you so much.

Several things have turned out differently than I thought they would. Breastfeeding is one of them. I honestly thought you would be born, I would hold you to my breast, and we would have a reasonably uncomplicated breastfeeding relationship. Not so. Turns out you have a tongue and/or lip tie, if not both. You have a lot of trouble latching and staying latched. You end up mashing my nipples and causing a lot of pain. We'll be taking you to an ENT on the 21st. Hopefully he'll be able to fix your ties and we can get on with breastfeeding! I've been pumping a lot to make sure you still have the breast milk, though we do occasionally have to supplement with formula because my supply isn't wonderful. I have had a couple breakdowns because of this, but we are doing fairly well with our arrangement. Well, you're still alive and gaining weight anyway. Points for the alive part?

At this very moment, you are curled up on my chest. It's one of your favorite places to be. When you're happy: Mommy. When you're upset or uncomfortable: Mommy. I love that I can be such a comfort to you. Being that for you is one of the biggest reasons I love being a mom. Other reasons: You're crazy adorable, fun to dress in cute outfits, and a motivation to be the best person and mom I can be.

I'm going to lose the computer soon, so I'll close this letter. I love you sweetness. You are the absolute best baby ever.

Sincerely,
Mommy

Here's a few pictures from your very first few days of life!

BRAND NEW YOU. Not the best picture
buuut I wasn't the one taking the pictures.
I was busy, you know, getting stitched up.
I had kinda just had that head pop out of my lady bits.

This might be the first picture with Daddy.

Skin-to-skin time with mommy!

One of the first photos of you in the NICU. It wasn't easy seeing you like this!

I dunno. Just cuteness.

Our first non-delivery photo together.

Uncle Adam meeting you for the first time!

The day before we got to go home!
You'd just hit the required weight gain. Woot!

Pumping Cuteness

Chocked

My View

Tummy time and cute, puckered lips!

Just Can't Stop the Cute

My heart! It melts.

Something Funny

Ha! I just handed my sister Charlotte and a bottle of breastmilk. When the bottle touched her hand, she wrinkled up her nose and asked if the milk was fresh (because it was warm.) I laughed and said no. She seemed relieved and said "Good, because that would be kinda weird.... You know, something that came out of you." I said, "You know that other thing you're holding came out of me too." x)

Daddy Holding His Princess

Home at Last!!

And look at that fluffy butt!

Painting

This cute lil' guy was painted by the talented Rachael Eggett "in memory of Sophia and in joy for Charlotte." Gotta admit, I squealed when I opened the package.

38-week Shot

Hospital Visit, Take Two

From Facebook:

"Sooo I just got back from the hospital. I went in early this morning after out-of-control vomiting and the beginnings of diarrhea which my doctor thinks was probably food poisoning.

By the time I got there, I was having real contractions every 2 minutes and dilated to a 2 and soft. She's also engaged and head down. I was started on IV fluids and zofran to help replenish what I had lost due to the vomiting and keep me from vomiting more. Because I'm only 37 weeks, the nurse gave me a betamethasone shot to help develop baby's lungs in case I delivered (which STUNG.) Then she gave me another shot to make the contractions stop (which was even worse.) Later, I was measuring at a solid 3, possible 4. They kept me overnight, monitoring baby and I and continuing fluids.

By the time I was discharged, I had started having Braxton Hicks again but I managed to convince the nurse that I was already due to come back in the morning (for the second dose of the betamethasone) so she released me! It's awfully nice to be laying in my own bed not hooked to anything even though baby might decide she really does want to come now (in which case they won't stop labor again.) Eep!"

Hospital Stay

From Facebook:

"Major downside to being in the hospital: no cuddle time with the hubby.

And for those of you who just had heart attacks: Charlotte and I are fine. It looks like I'm just struggling with some dehydration and frequent migraine headaches. I've been receiving IV fluids and they're keeping me overnight but I should be able to go home in the morning after my fasting blood draw and maybe an appointment with my OB.

P.S. The next day:

"After IV fluids for just over 24 hours, an EKG, echocardiogram, and several blood tests, I'm home! I have a nasty bruise from a blown vein, a little bit of a headache, and some nausea, but everything pretty much checks out. I had low sodium, potassium, (and a couple other) levels, and seemed to be dehydrated, but the fluids should have helped with those. The other doctor who was monitoring me thinks my headaches are simply frequent migraines most likely brought on by pregnancy hormones.

My orders are basically to rest up, keep hydrated, eat enough, and take it easy. I'm hoping the next time I see the inside of the L&D unit is around March 14th!

Now to sleep in a real bed. Cue hallelujah chorus."

Belly Shot + Cat Butt